Can you allow yourself to draw, write, or create anything without harshly criticizing yourself before you finish your first draft?
In fact I’m editing this sentence as I write, before I can even complete a thought. I’m all for brevity and polish but how can you ever finish, let alone start anything with a nagging backseat driver rending every action a wrong move?
CRITICIZE: 1: to consider the merits and demerits of and judge accordingly EVALUATE :2: to find fault with : point out the faults of. “
CRITICAL: c: exercising or involving careful judgment or judicious evaluation
MERRIAM WEBSTER
Having a critical eye is not inherently a bad thing, but it’s all in the delivery.
If we are only scanning for a negative judgements, then that is what we will find. Does a careful evaluation have to only be considered in a negative light? What if we analyze and keep what we like and what feels good. Can we find exactly what we don’t like or what isn’t clear, and figure out how to change it?. Careful evaluation helps refine our artistic voice and provide a map for improved execution. If we just decide our work is worthless and skip the specifics we will end up with only harsh labels. My drawing is horrible or “I’m bad at drawing” isn’t helpful it just hurts.
I spent 15 years taking changes from Hollywood directions, and for 15 years I worked hard to receive n we take out the self condemnation and emotion to recognize when something isn’t working. Can we judge our work with out good and bad labels.
the book the lost art of listening, “one can only be a good listener, if they are listened to”. We’ll never be able to hear the beneficial editing of the left brain if our creativity is shackled by constant crtiicism. How can you let go and fully express yourself with impending feelings of shame with every move.
Music, mantras*, and routines can temporarily hamper the self critic. You push through the discomfort of the initial second guessing and yelling doubt*, and can let go and play. When you come out of the the blissful creative state, back to reality, you find it waiting for you in the wings, …
It should be … It’s not ..I don’t like.., but truly this sounds and feels more personal. Not your creation is boring, but you are boring. I don’t like it sounds more like I don’t like you. When did I learn to expect that it’s a waste of time, and it works out for everyone else? When did I choose to believe this would be how my work would be received? It’s an expectation, how could I allow myself to even try. Because I am not.
Can you let go and create without the worry of the outcome, halting your first step? What is this iron grip, trying to anticipate every wrong move along the way. What really is the worst that could happen? Well it would suck. It feels terrible but is that it, just one shot? Can you survive sucking and try again? I imagine deciding something is awful is just as subjective as deeming it worthy so who am I to try and control my audience. It’s like I’ve decided the final word before I even really myself a chance.
What does criticism sound like?
it should be more like… It’s not enough…I don’t like.., It’s boring, It’s obvious. This sounds and feels more personal, more like You are obvious, You are boring, you wasted your time and mine, it’s not worthy of my attention. When did I choose to believe this would be how my work would be received? It’s an expectation, how could I allow myself to even try. Because I am not.
theres many ways to approach things. I’ve been experimenting with something new, yet old. As an animator I started out as a jack of all trades and then as I gained experienced I specialized. I’m combining these ideas of being a jack of all trades, but specialized one at a time. Approaching my current work like a film production. Story, composition followed by editing and revision for impact. Once this foundation is solid I build upon the foundation of emotion with color. Words and detail are like punctuation. Always supporting the message, not detracting or hiding weakness. This is only one way, for a work that requires this process.
Sometimes you get a work where the idea and skill float through you right upon the page. But most of the time I find I have to work for it. I have to put the time in to allow the message to emerge. It seems the work is allowing it to dig through self imposed barriers.
It’s funny someone so high key in saturation, and feelings, emotion and relies on intuition, tangential and externally expressive finds solace in numbers and elegant language. It’s like a salve to make sense of all this creative information in my head, a desire for focus and direction and forward progress. Enough parameters to flow the water purposefully, to make sense of it, to relate it to an audience. It is amazing when you just let it come out you realized you didn’t realize what what lurking around in there.
It’s like stretching your body, it’s like wow I had no idea I was carrying around this much pain. You see though, I like editing these verbal explosion puzzles to dilute it down the the essence. What the hell am i finding so important to figure out to say. And why am I so good at holding back? Teaching has a wonderful by product when you realize wow, you didn’t know that and I did, and I helped you. I like to make things easier for people, but is that who I want to be? What is my hero’s ego death? My ego has a protector, it will not shed easily. My Grammarly tone detector nailed my inner critic!!!